I have been feeling waves of awe. Some days hardly feel real, and while it may feel easier to disassociate a little into that dream-like feeling, I want to tangibly acknowledge these things that leave me speechless, that fill and fuel my life.
I am grateful for
The distance my life has traveled in such a short time
The friends that surround me; without their support, kindness, realism, spirit, I would not be where I am today (emotionally or physically)
The friends and family that have brought me here; so many people have been so generous with me in so many different ways and I feel so indebted to all of them; you have all changed my life in ways I will never be able to fully put in words. I know that none of this would be possible without you and my heart melts into a puddle of love just thinking about what you have done for me
The home I have started to build and the beautiful weirdos that fill it (both biped and quadruped)
The many wakeup calls I have had in the past few years; my soul has really been on a rollercoaster, but without which I would not be doing the work I am now and my current goals would never feel as reachable.
The brilliant instructors, educators, mentors, and wise souls whose paths I get to cross; I have learned so much from you and am inspired to learn more and more everyday. I have some pretty amazing role models
The opportunities I have had in my life. I have not always taken full advantage and have not had everything come easy, but I am lucky to have had some doors open that others have not. While I still have windows to climb through, I appreciate what I have had
Life. I am a compulsive planner, and over the past few years have honestly given up control out of exhaustion. In the wake of my over-planning, life has stepped in and brought me to a state I didn’t know I could reach. It all feels crazy, inexplicable, and out of my hands. I am grateful that I don’t need to control every step to find joy, and I am glad I have learned to allow things outside of my consciousness into my life.
My health - I am relatively healthy, and in this America, with shitty health insurance, I am so lucky (I of course am writing this with a cold)
The farms back home. There is not much dark greens here and I cannot wait to eat a huge fresh salad. Of course, when I am back, I will miss the Honduran avocados, plantains, pineapples, baleadas, and pastelitos. Moral of the story: love the food you’re with.
Beauty: I have had some amazing encounters with beauty (landscapes, sea scapes, sea aliens, land creatures, peoples)
My weird, wild, over-working brain. Not every bit of the high speed train that is my brain is perfectly pleasant, and it can be tricky figuring out what is going on sometimes, but I ultimately love this wacky world. Thank you, brain, for doing your thing.